Dear Spikey Little Bastards,

To the kidney stones which have invaded my husband’s body-GET OUT! I know you like your cozy little home in there but you’re causing him great pain and costing us money! To the one particular beast who has taken 2 weeks to get out and still hasn’t left yet-this is your eviction notice! We are sick of sleepless nights due to excruciating pain that is so bad that 4 oxycodone won’t even touch. We are tired of going to the hospital and doctors for them to just basically say wait another week and see if it passes. We’re not thrilled with the possibility that the doctor will have to go in and retrieve you because you’re a stubborn little jerk! And more over, Matt is sick of peeing in a funnel every time in hopes that you’ve decided to relinquish your position in his kidney, just to be disappointed every time.

Now Kidney Stones, I can’t guarantee that you will be treated very well when you come out as you’re current living conditions but rest assured, as soon as one of you comes out, the remaining 7 of your friends will too be evicted in one way or another. So in other words, why delay the inevitable?

Sincerely,
The Wife of the man whom you’re inflicting great pain.